Welcome to my otherside....My useless thoughts

Just my ramblings about life, my work doing tech support for an isp, depression, and whatever else I feel like whining about. About the only time I sit down & write is when I'm feeling down. This is a venting for me usually they're feelings from the darkest part of my heart. So read on, enjoy and feel priviledged that I opened this window to my soul.

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Ok... so my mom wrote this lil ditty about me and wanted me to post it in my blog. It'll tell ya a lil bit about me when I was a youngin' ;-)


From the first time they laid you in my arms
I knew you would be full of wonderful charms
You greeted me first with a grunt and groan
Yours eyes searching the world unknown.

I held you close and you squirmed in spite
of my attempt to pull you tight.
You had to do things your way then
and will continue to do so til who knows when.

You grew so fast I could not keep up
You're best friend was Tom the pup
Broken arms, cuts and bruises
drew frequent doctor & hospital cruises.

The world was yours to explore
And you had to open every door
Trying to cook when you were three
And by four doing electonics and then carpentry.

Each day brought forth a challlenge or two
Headaches for me and laughter for you
We lost babysitters quick as they lost their cool
They could not keep up with you and your tools.

But oh what a wonder as you fixed this & that
And delighted your friends with each new hat
Electrician, technician, dare devil, or cook
Beautician, mortician, doctor or crook.

I wonder how you made it as far as you did
And laugh as you share your trials with your kid
They say revenge belongs to the Lord,
Now I know God is good as His word.

As I see the the exploits of your sweet baby girl
I know she is busy making your head swirl
She holds the key to what makes you smile
and Now you know why, I loved you all the while.


Tuesday, March 22, 2005

THE RACE - Meep Meep

WOW! What a weekend! I went to the XM Satellite Indy 200 (Formula One) at the Phoenix International Raceway - PIR. Dave, one of my best friends, got me tickets including pit passes. I was so stoked! We got there about an hour before the race and went to pick up the tickets & pit passes but had some issues getting them since Dave forgot the vouchers. LOL It was all good though, made it all the more interesting. Soon as we got near the stadium you could hear this whining roar that made the air seem alive with the buzzing of a large bee right next to your ear. It was the most I've felt at home since I've been in Arizona. Ahhhh yeah baby! Homesick.. ratty t-shirts, old jeans, long hair, two fisted drinking, everyone smilin. Hell yeah I'm a hick and I love it.

They had a Formula One race car on display, so I had to jump my wide ass in... damn near got stuck trying to get out. I kept yellin, "who's got the shoe horn & oil" The people watching were rolling.. I love being a ham! We walked around trying to find a really good spot to sit, the stands were less than halfway full so you could sit anywhere you wanted.

Dave & I, jumped on a little shuttle that went through a tunnel to the infield and got right up to the pits. They were getting everything started so they wouldn't let us in the actual pits. Just as well since the roar of the motors starting up was enough to make you wish you had packed your ears full of cotton and had a couple pairs of ear protection. Yes mom, I know you're gonna read this.. I did have ear plugs in.. I'm 32 not a lil boy anymore... Man oh man you should have seen those cars go by VRrrrroooom VRrrrroooom VRrrrroooom VRrrrroooom. ;-) We sat by the 4th corner, you could tell by the track wall that was where the most wrecks happened. Hey I don't want to see anyone get hurt but who wouldn't want to see a wreck from one of those up close. The faster they went the louder the roar was until it made the stadium tremble, the air was alive!

A storm began rolling in over the mountains in the distance, casting a grey haze, slowly moving towards us. The grey haze reached the foothills of the mountain and appeared to abruptly change direction... the sun came out and everyone was so happy, greatful the rain didn't reach us.. BLAH! I like the rain. The leader was almost a full lap ahead of the pack and it began to get a little tiring watching them go round and round and round and round and round and round..... My head is getting dizzy! with 15 laps to go we left the race... heading out to the area where the concert was being held.

I'll write more about the concert later.

It appears someone mysterious has entered the life of my blog and has a similar outlook on life as mine. To them (he or she it matters not) I appreciate you taking the time to sign & share your thoughts. Opening the door to your heart is like trusting someone to play russian roulette with your soul.


Monday, March 07, 2005

Here are a few things I wrote a long time ago...

*** Questions ***

Why do we live
Is it just to die
Why do we die
is it just for someone else to live
what is there after life
is it just death
or is it heaven or hell
is there really a god
or is it make believe
if you know the answer
of what I'm asking you
spread it round the world
but only if it's true
so that the unfortunate may also know it too.

***The Door***

I knocked on the door cautiously
Thinking that I should leave quickly
Instead of running I dared to be bold
For I was curious of what the future might hold
I opened the door and looked within
But there was nothing to see, except darkness and sin
It was a place I'd never been before
But now it was an open door
As I stood there trying to catch my breath
I finally reallized.... that this was death

***Troubled Sleep***

Waiting here patiently as time rolls slowly by
Sadness and sorrow, two emotions that never seem to die
Love and happiness, all part of life's many illusions
Life's many incertainities, creating mass confusion
A feeling of fear, burns deep within my heart
An internal struggle thats tearing me apart
Loneliness and emptiness, are truely one in the same
A darkness that is waiting for my sould to claim
Guilt gives no time for my soul to rest
An overbearing burden pressing down upon my chest
Life's many complications pushing me to the edge
With every ounce of strength I have, I grasp for the ledge
But it is to no avail for I slowly slip away
My life passes before my eyes, yes each and every day
Plunging into darkness at a paralyzing speed
Surely I'm on my way to hell for my selfish greed
Then my eyes opened suddenly, my brow covered thick with sweat
As I realized that this was all a nightmare... something I had dreamt