Not been writing much, been busy & not feeling too hot.

I'm starting to get abdominal pains again like in December when I was in the hospital. I haven't even talked to Jane about it but she can tell something is wrong. I just keep telling her its a stomach ache and she doesn't push the issue.

It scares me that I might have to go back in to the doc & have surgery or have a another endoscopy and I Honestly am not certain which frightens me the most.

Gee the last endoscopy was fun... I had to sit in the waiting area wearing the typical gown that let's everyone see those dimples that were meant to be hidden. I got the good treatment they let me wear a thin housecoat over that while I sat for 30 minutes with nothing under the robe & housecoat on a cold plastic chair.

Here's where it begins.. Of course I'm in the waiting area so there's lots of magazines to read... Hey why not? It'll help pass the time... I start reading an old issue of Time and this little old lady coughs quietly & clears her throat. I think to myself "That's peachy, I'm in here for an Endoscopy and I'm gonna catch a cold too." I get about halfway through the magazine and finally she says "young man I think you should....." her words trailed off and she pointed towards my lap. It was then I realized I was sitting there with my legs crossed exposing myself to the whole waiting area! Whoops!

I get called back into the main lobby area and the male nurse could see I'm nervous & he's trying to calm me down by talking about the procedure. Boy it was sooo comforting with the male nurse winking at me & saying with a lisp " don't you fret now honey, I'll take good care of you." I almost yelled "I want my mommy!" He wasn't doing the lisp as a joke either..

Then I meet my new doc and she was just smoking hotm I thought about that for a second then realized she was about to violate me....WAHHH! I was still awake while they were prepping me.. Oh boy was I excited, who wouldn't be excited about a hot looking girl deciding she wants to go spelunking in my back forty. I woke up in the middle of the procedure, they had to grab me because I was trying to shall we say redirect traffic back to it's normal flow... I was like oh what's next is Dr Giggles gonna step out now? No I wouldn't be that lucky

Grrrrrr.... can't sleep and am bored as hell. Fell asleep laying on the floor watching TV. Ohhh what excitement. Not!

Figured I'd write something on here and that would bore me to sleep. Not sure if it does that or just bores whoever is reading it to sleep.

So what's new pussycat? Whoaaaaaaa. *ahem* *cough* I'm saving money to get me a bike. I don't have a specific one picked out but I'm looking for a cruiser style around 750 cc. I don't think I can get a 1000 cc since my legs are too damn short. Plus, do I really need that? Nope, and you might say I don't really need any bike, I say bite me to that. I've waited over 10 years to get another bike. It's time... vrooom vrooom

They're heeeere!

Who's here?

Not sure

I'm not though

Night gonna try to sleep again

Friday night... tap tap tap... what am I doing home? Guess nothing better to do... blah

Today I had a good day at work but it was overshadowed by my jaw hurting, which in turn gave me a headache. Tylenol3 just took the edge off.. So I've been rather moody this week, ok so even more so than normal.

Normal? What's that? Seems weird for me to use that word. Oh well!

OK now some good news, was checking my email and saw a comment from someone signing my blog... MY SISTER! Jen, I love ya & miss you bunches.

Talk about a suprise, that definitely brightened my day. BUT It made me start thinking... yeah thats what that smell is... somethings burning and it smells like Jimmy is gonna go on a rant.

DISCLAIMER: Let me first say this, I have nothing against the general population or race of any foreign county, soverign or nation. I abhor racism, stereotypes & hate mongers.

You see, my sis is overseas in a bad place that I like to refer to as the biggest kitty litter box there ever is. Some place that you would have never heard of (except for maybe in a Geography class) if it weren't for the greed and selfishness of the the big oil companies that pull the strings of our elected government.

Ohhh bitter you say? You're damn straight! Send our boys & girls home, let big oil send their families or employees there to battle. Their families? Oh hell that would never happen, they cant get their lil fingers dirty unless it's politics. Their employees? No, they would all quit.

I spent a few months in Saudi, but that's cake compared to where she is.

I understand that there were alot of moral dilemas like the way they were treating their people. But why do we have to be the world's police?

These are my feelings now and if I've offended you.. tough shit.. just kiddin, this isn't meant to offend anyone except American politicians and Mr. Big Rich American Oil Company


I am falling asleep bye I gotta run

A series of unfortunate events or a year in the life of Jimmy...

Last December I started having problems with my stomach and really bad abdominal pains. I cou;dn't figure out what was going on, my weight was increasing. I had problems eating anything with any spices, everything made me extremely gassy. The pain hurt for weeks before I finally couldn't take it anymore and had to goto the doctor. I went to the VA Hospital in Phoenix and found out I had diverticulitis.... It's rather gross but if you want to know what it is here's a link

http://digestive.niddk.nih.gov/ddiseases/pubs/diverticulosis/

The swelling was so bad that I actually got two hernias, one on my belly button & another lower one. It wasn't funny at the time but the one near my belly button reminded me of a turkey button. You know the little red button on the turkey that pops out when it's cooked completely. I was in the hospital for a while and luckily they were able to treat the diverticulitis without surgery. They did screw up and give me prevacet which I'm alergic too, that was a blast. Lets just say that stuff causes me to "flip out."

While in the hospital I got summoned for jury duty, since it was for a few weeks later I was told by my Doc that I should be able to go with no issue... Damn in my 30's and finally got snagged for jury duty and it HAS to be as I'm recovering from a major illnes.

Jury duty.... criminal trial for assalting a Police officer.. lets see the guy gets in the face of the cop, gets tazed, runs, jumps out from behind a dumpster & gets tazed again... ohh no the cop didn't have anything to worry about. It's not like the guy was acting like a SANE normal person. So almost a week into the trial, we get to leave early one day and I call work just to see if they need me to come in at all. I don't know what the hell I was thinking, of course my supervisor says "we could really use you today but we can't make you come in." Ok, so no big, I knew things were busy so I pulled off the freeway turning around for work.

I call my buddy Dave to see what he's up to & to get a heads up on things that might be going on at work. I'm using my hands free as I ALWAYS do, even so I see traffic slow down suddenly and I tell Dave to hold on a sec. Traffic went to a dead stop, I had plenty of room to stop and was almost completely stopped(going less than 5mph). I glanced up in my rear view just in time to see a car come barreling at my ass and it didn't look like he had slowed at all. The speed limit is 65 on the highway and honestly most people drive at least 75. BOOM! I had literally enough time to say "oh sh" didn't even finish the it. Damn old fart hit me hard enough to push my car partially under the car in front of me. I looked out my front window & all I could see was the hood of my car. Dazed I wasn't quite sure what happened, I kept sayin oh f... oh f.. then I heard a voice saying "Jim! Jim, are you ok? JIM?!" Took me a few to realize that it was my phone & Dave knew somethin happened. Only thing I remember saying was "Tell Chris (my sup) I don't think I'm coming in today." Or something to that effect. I was so rattled I couldn't even figure out how to dial 911. LOL!

So I was in a neck brace, had to use a cane, screwed my shoulder & neck up pretty good. But everything seems to be ok now. You can see pics of my car under pictures - Crash Test Dummy

My latest adventure.. I clench my teeth & grind them while sleeping.. I shattered a molar and can't find emergency dentist thats open since its sunday. I'm not going to the ER either... arghhh you gotta love a throbbing pain that makes your head feel like it's going to split in two...

No it's not your mind playing tricks on you, yes there is a new post. I've not written any public blogs in over a year and almost deleted this entirely because of some negative comments... wah people didn't like reading about my issues with depression.. too bad it's a part of me deal with it. This is for me more than anyone else, it's almost like purging my mind... one could liken it to a stream of concsciousness vomitting on my keyboard. Yech that sounded gross, I like it!

Things are going good good goood, lets see so much has happened in the last year, I'm not sure where to start.............................

I think my biggest achievement was that I was promoted into our Network Ops Center. I'm really enjoying the job! So much to learn, so much to do and so many opportunities.

My mom & dad (Dave) came out to visit last summer and we had a blast. I posted some of the pictures on the site then but never blogged it.

Right now, Kayla is getting ready to start school. I am nervous. NERVOUS! I don't know why, I worry about my baby girl too much and it's such a big step for her. I just hope that she does great in school and is happy.

I'm working on some other sections of the site now & trying to get some pictures edited so this will be a short post. I'm going to play catch up and write another entry just about my rash of bad luck!

Ok, yes I know I have been lazy as hell about updating this lately. They moved my hours back about a month ago, so now when I come home I don't want to sit on the computer. I just want to spend a little time with my lil girl and once in a blue moon I'll actually get to see Jane before she goes to bed for maybe five minutes if I'm lucky. On the weekends I'm keeping busy going through stuff in my garage & the rest of the house doing spring cleaning. I have thrown away so much junk that I've accumulated, I'm a pack rat & so is Jane... we hate to throw things away. For example: I've got a crib that turns into a daybed, a playpen, highchair & a kiddy swing from when Kayla was a baby that I've just held on to incase I could give it to someone. Except for the bed, everything is still in the original boxes. Finally a friends wife got preggers & they want the stuff! Yippeeee! More stuff I can get rid of.

I have been on a frenzy going through everything...pissing me off that someone doesn't want to help me go through anything. I can't blame her because I'm an ass when I'm cleaning. Trust me you do not wanna be around me when I am in cleaning mode. If you get in my way, I'll run yer butt over too. But I am not a neat freak, my buddy Dave thinks I am but if I were a neat freak my house would look like my brother inlaws place. That place looks like it's straight out of "Better Homes & Gardens." He is one of the most hardest working people I've met and he has a heart the size of a watermelon. He is "good people," props to you Jojo - I love ya bro!

Speakin of bro's, I'm kinda bummed out that I haven't seen my lil bro in about seven years. He's out of the Army now, he messed his life up pretty good but he is trying to get everythings straightened out. He's done a good job so far but still has some work to do. Booga - I miss ya, wish you could come visit.

Ohhhhh! How could I forget, talking about visits, my mom & dad are coming to visit me in June! This is gonna be so sweet, hehe I'm giggling like a little kid thinking about it. Yeah for those wondering since ya know my parents split up, I am talking about my mom & her hubby (Dave) of about seven years. He's been great to her and all of us kids, he treats us like we're his own flesh & blood. I gotta say I love him just like my real dad.

I'm pretty sure my real dad (Ialways call him pops) understands this. He's a great guy too, both have taught me alot. My pops is nutty though, I mean like "Tim the toolman" nutty! More power Argh Argh Argh! More power! He's a smoking mechanic, loves to build hotrods. I've only met a few grease monkeys who I would say are on his level. He is remarried too, but I haven't gotten to meet his new wife Tanya. I've talked with her on the phone before and she seems like a sweetheart. Hopefully I'll get to meet her one day... hint hint... in other words pops get yer butt out here to visit me! Hehehe.... loves ya pops

Now that I've written a book and given something for R - (Dave's wife) to read she'll stop yelling at me for a lil bit. She's right though, (yeah I said it, I'm a guy & can admit when a woman is right) I do need to update this more often. Hugs!

Alrighty, am done for now, if you can make sense out of anything I wrote pat yourself on the back. I just re-read it and it was to helter skelter for me to comprehend and I wrote it!

Hugs & high fives to all!

Peace

Jimmy

Ok... so my mom wrote this lil ditty about me and wanted me to post it in my blog. It'll tell ya a lil bit about me when I was a youngin' ;-)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

From the first time they laid you in my arms
I knew you would be full of wonderful charms
You greeted me first with a grunt and groan
Yours eyes searching the world unknown.

I held you close and you squirmed in spite
of my attempt to pull you tight.
You had to do things your way then
and will continue to do so til who knows when.

You grew so fast I could not keep up
You're best friend was Tom the pup
Broken arms, cuts and bruises
drew frequent doctor & hospital cruises.

The world was yours to explore
And you had to open every door
Trying to cook when you were three
And by four doing electonics and then carpentry.

Each day brought forth a challlenge or two
Headaches for me and laughter for you
We lost babysitters quick as they lost their cool
They could not keep up with you and your tools.

But oh what a wonder as you fixed this & that
And delighted your friends with each new hat
Electrician, technician, dare devil, or cook
Beautician, mortician, doctor or crook.

I wonder how you made it as far as you did
And laugh as you share your trials with your kid
They say revenge belongs to the Lord,
Now I know God is good as His word.

As I see the the exploits of your sweet baby girl
I know she is busy making your head swirl
She holds the key to what makes you smile
and Now you know why, I loved you all the while.

THE RACE - Meep Meep

WOW! What a weekend! I went to the XM Satellite Indy 200 (Formula One) at the Phoenix International Raceway - PIR. Dave, one of my best friends, got me tickets including pit passes. I was so stoked! We got there about an hour before the race and went to pick up the tickets & pit passes but had some issues getting them since Dave forgot the vouchers. LOL It was all good though, made it all the more interesting. Soon as we got near the stadium you could hear this whining roar that made the air seem alive with the buzzing of a large bee right next to your ear. It was the most I've felt at home since I've been in Arizona. Ahhhh yeah baby! Homesick.. ratty t-shirts, old jeans, long hair, two fisted drinking, everyone smilin. Hell yeah I'm a hick and I love it.

They had a Formula One race car on display, so I had to jump my wide ass in... damn near got stuck trying to get out. I kept yellin, "who's got the shoe horn & oil" The people watching were rolling.. I love being a ham! We walked around trying to find a really good spot to sit, the stands were less than halfway full so you could sit anywhere you wanted.

Dave & I, jumped on a little shuttle that went through a tunnel to the infield and got right up to the pits. They were getting everything started so they wouldn't let us in the actual pits. Just as well since the roar of the motors starting up was enough to make you wish you had packed your ears full of cotton and had a couple pairs of ear protection. Yes mom, I know you're gonna read this.. I did have ear plugs in.. I'm 32 not a lil boy anymore... Man oh man you should have seen those cars go by VRrrrroooom VRrrrroooom VRrrrroooom VRrrrroooom. ;-) We sat by the 4th corner, you could tell by the track wall that was where the most wrecks happened. Hey I don't want to see anyone get hurt but who wouldn't want to see a wreck from one of those up close. The faster they went the louder the roar was until it made the stadium tremble, the air was alive!

A storm began rolling in over the mountains in the distance, casting a grey haze, slowly moving towards us. The grey haze reached the foothills of the mountain and appeared to abruptly change direction... the sun came out and everyone was so happy, greatful the rain didn't reach us.. BLAH! I like the rain. The leader was almost a full lap ahead of the pack and it began to get a little tiring watching them go round and round and round and round and round and round..... My head is getting dizzy! with 15 laps to go we left the race... heading out to the area where the concert was being held.

I'll write more about the concert later.

It appears someone mysterious has entered the life of my blog and has a similar outlook on life as mine. To them (he or she it matters not) I appreciate you taking the time to sign & share your thoughts. Opening the door to your heart is like trusting someone to play russian roulette with your soul.

Here are a few things I wrote a long time ago...


*** Questions ***

Why do we live
Is it just to die
Why do we die
is it just for someone else to live
what is there after life
is it just death
or is it heaven or hell
is there really a god
or is it make believe
if you know the answer
of what I'm asking you
spread it round the world
but only if it's true
so that the unfortunate may also know it too.



***The Door***

I knocked on the door cautiously
Thinking that I should leave quickly
Instead of running I dared to be bold
For I was curious of what the future might hold
I opened the door and looked within
But there was nothing to see, except darkness and sin
It was a place I'd never been before
But now it was an open door
As I stood there trying to catch my breath
I finally reallized.... that this was death



***Troubled Sleep***

Waiting here patiently as time rolls slowly by
Sadness and sorrow, two emotions that never seem to die
Love and happiness, all part of life's many illusions
Life's many incertainities, creating mass confusion
A feeling of fear, burns deep within my heart
An internal struggle thats tearing me apart
Loneliness and emptiness, are truely one in the same
A darkness that is waiting for my sould to claim
Guilt gives no time for my soul to rest
An overbearing burden pressing down upon my chest
Life's many complications pushing me to the edge
With every ounce of strength I have, I grasp for the ledge
But it is to no avail for I slowly slip away
My life passes before my eyes, yes each and every day
Plunging into darkness at a paralyzing speed
Surely I'm on my way to hell for my selfish greed
Then my eyes opened suddenly, my brow covered thick with sweat
As I realized that this was all a nightmare... something I had dreamt

I am at work sitting here typing this between calls, am kinda in a funk today. I'm tired even though I went to bed early last night. I kept having weird dreams and waking up from them. I dreamt I cut my finger grinding something and while I was trying to stop it from bleeding, it was squirting out all over about 4 feet. When I got it to stop bleeding I looked and there was only a tiny scratch... while I was looking at it in disbelief my whole finger fell off and everyone was screaming and I woke up.

When I finally fell back asleep I had some freaky dream that I was cruising around in a friend's car with a few other people & he cut some guy off. THen the guy sped up beside us and yelled "Does .45 ACP mean anything to you?" He pulled out a pistol and pointed it at us and for some idiotic reason I started daring the guy to do something. From out of nowhere my bud pulls out what looks like a matte black Desert Eagle .50 cal and says "That's nothing!" He then took aim on the other driver and I yelled oh Shiiiiiii.... and woke up. I dunno why but the dream was both funny as hell and disturbing at the same time.

LOL I can never find a dream interpretation book that explains my dreams........... blah

I'm not sure what is going on inside my head. One moment I am buzzing with excitement, my mind racing thinking of what I can do and what I want to do. My thoughts like a feather floating ever so graceful across the surface of sheltered pond. The next, my spirits sinking as swiftly a deserted ship scuttled in the black of night. Turning into confusion, ideas racing away like roaches scattering from the light. Almost as if my sanity is slipping away and reality is becoming a dream that I once lived. I think I need some time to get away on my own, time to visit memories past. This sounds so perverse but it is cleansing away as I am writing this. Sadly I must be going as it is time for me to leave, yet not in the eternal sense. Fear thee not for I am not about to let the life of my little one go unwatched.

I'm just goin' home from work.... YEAH BABY!

It's so good to be headache free
Oh happy joy woohoo yippee
In a good mood, oh yes I am
I think I want to type some spam
To send an ad into your mailbox
Wouldn't that be cunning like a fox
Fix your computer yes this I could
But only if the pay is good
Enough of this dribble and silly drat
Who do I think I am, the cat in the hat?
Starting to ramble, begining to rave
Alone at work just like a slave
I can't get the internet up
I can't get my mail
Oh shuddup and go to...
Hello my friends, goodbye for now
A laugh I would send, a hug I would bring
If someone would make these phones to not ring!

Throbbing, pulsing, pounding out of control
My temples are feeling like they are going to explode
The tension builds inside my shoulders and neck
My eyes closed into slits and vision obscured
The light stabbing through my corneas making me weep
My pulse sounding in my ear like a symphony of drums
I find myself wishing this pain would come to an end...

Boy oh boy what fun! I had been getting major errors on my computers and swapped out various parts troubleshooting trying to determine what the heck was going on. I tried 2 different hard drives, formatting, using Win98, Win2k & XP, etc. It was driving me crazy trying to figure out what was going on! So the other night I'm sitting there and I get some strange error and the damn thing froze completely before even fully displaying the error. I gave it the three fingered salute... nothing, manual shut down & tried to boot up..... and I hear "Your memory module is not installed properly or may be bad" The board has this built in diagnostics tool with a speaker that gives audible alert messages. THEN!! Poooooof! Out comes the magic smoke! Waaaaahhhh I hate the smell of burnt electrical components, but what I hated more at that moment was knowing I was going to have to replace some stuff and spend some cash. So after tearing everything apart, I went to Frye's Electronics! Ohhhh a shoppin I will go! Spendin all my dough! Blah... Bought a ECS AMD XP 2500+ and 512MB DDR 2700 for right around $200.
Not a bad deal at all. So things on the website are going kinda slow. I gotta get everything straightened out with my 'puter before I dive into workin on this again. I could use Jane's computer but then I'd have to install a bunch of stuff on there and then never use them after mine is back up. Anyone heard any good jokes? Ohhhh I've got one... Whats the retention rate for tech supt

Alllrighty then! Ok so I've been working on getting this re-done and I am trying as fast as I can but there are still some areas that need major construction. The first couple of pages are done and I still kept my links page from the old site but thats getting a revamp also. I need to get my scanner out so I can scan some more photos in. I've been taking pictures like crazy with my digital camera but Jane wont use the thing hardly at all and I bought it for her. Isn't that a typical woman for ya... *snicker* Yes I know if she had bought it for me then I probably wouldn't use it hardly at all. It's funny how people are like that, you have to have somethng and then as soon as you get it you realize oh wait did I really need this? But of course you only come to that realization after you've had whatever it is too long to take it back. I love the camera anyways so BLAH!

Hehe, I'm sitting here with Kayla while I'm writing this so I'm going to let her type a little......


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LOL As she's doing this she says "Hey I'm typing letters! Yeah I did it Daddy, I did it!" Everyday she reminds me how lucky I am. It's warm and sunny outside (when is it not here.. hehe) so we're going outside to play in the water.

War, war war, death and destruction, casualties what did you expect its a war not a picnic. people who think there should be no war don't know what we're really fighting for, of that to be honest I am not sure. seeing the carcasses of vehicles looking like prehistoric monsters set ablaze by an unknown source, then your hear the rumble of our mighty force. Coming closer each and every day, saddam, saddam... yes you're gonna pay. We'll fight to the end to end your reign, to hell and back it doesnt matter how much pain we suffer because when we get our hands on you you'll never forget the red... the white... the blue!!

I dont know why I am writing in rhyme I am just purging I suppose, I am bored at work and actually have some free time. I feel like shit I am sick, Jane is sick & my babydoll Kayla is sick too... we've all got the flu.... I am doing ok I guess, I finally let the dr change my meds the other day, so I am still getting adjusted to it and right now I feel pretty out of it. They wanted to put me on lithium but I told them I wouldnt take it if they did, the've been trying to get me on that for a year.... soooooo FINALLY I agreed to let the dr change my meds, the put me on depakote, its some strong stuff like lithium but since I just started am not sure how its gonna work out.
damn am falling asleep at my desk, josh keeps makin sure I am awake LOL pretty bad eh? but hey I cant afford to take a day off.

I got rid of my blazer.... that kinda sucked and I miss it but I bought a 2001 Pontiac Grand Am that is loaded, I love it got a good deal on it too. my head is swimming, my thoughts are racing around in circles but not like crazy fast its lust like they're spinning around but I can reach out and grab them one at a time and throw it back in when I am done. Weird shit eh? I dunno but I'm not sad not sad like thinking about bad things, I dont know why i'm writing all of this gonna post it for the world to see, I just dont give a shit about it, well I care but right now I dont, dont ask I am not making sense ok I gotta stop for a while will write more later

I think